I love learning about great feats accomplished by others. It’s motivating and awe inspiring. I’ve been part of the endurance racing community for the last 10 years. Suffering on the bike, in the water, or running mile after mile helps me manage stress and yields big goals to kedge towards. Just like any community, endurance has its celebrities. One of them has lived with a Navy SEAL, among the monks, and is married to Spanx founder Sara Blakely. He’s founded a charter jet service, a coconut water company, and is co-owner of the Atlanta Hawks. He’s completed some of the toughest endurance events on the planet and surrounds himself with people who don’t understand words like “can’t,” “quit,” or “no.” His resumé keeps going. I’m talking about none other than Jesse Itzler.
I’ve seen Itzler’s dynamic keynote twice. He’s a ball of energy and kind of guy that looks like his veins are pulsing with pure adrenaline and that he might challenge you for a quick swim to Cuba. That makes me a really nerdy groupie. Who else travels the speaking circuit to catch the same keynote in Las Vegas and Orlando in the same year? This guy, that’s who.
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I don’t want to ruin Itzler’s presentation for anyone who hasn’t seen it, but I did want to dive into one of his admonitions. There are so many nuggets in his presentation that one’s hand hurts trying to capture it all. I try to take away one thing from any keynote or conference with the goal of trying to implement it quickly after getting back home. Amid his firehose of useful guidance, he offered three simple guidelines (what he calls his “Three C’s”) for creating, nurturing, and maintaining connections with others: compliment, congratulate, and console.
I’ve always struggled with predictably staying in touch with people in my orbit. If you’re not my wife or one of my kids, I probably struggle to keep the ball moving along the relationship continuum. Itzler’s mantra of “compliment, congratulate, and console” offered a perfect antidote to my feelings of resignation around this all-important skill set. Here’s what I took each to mean:
- Compliment: This one’s pretty easy. Everyone has birthdays, anniversaries, or other life events that are now well-documented and available on social media. It costs nothing to wish someone “Happy Birthday” (try the entire phrase as opposed to “HBD”) or let them know you’ve noticed how much work they’ve been putting in. I could do a better job at this one with my wife. She does a ton. Do I say, “Thank you”? Sure. Could I say it more? You bet. If your compliment game is strong, consider turning up the volume a bit. If you’re at ground zero, set a goal to publicly praise an employee or say something nice to a family member next Monday at 9:00 AM. Do it again the following week. One year of doing this is 52 compliments!
- Congratulate: People love praise. If you’re tuned in, most people will interact with you the way they want to be treated. Praise is pretty much universal and there’s dry powder everywhere. Whether it’s a job certification, promotion, or other milestone, it costs nothing to congratulate someone for a job well done. Think of the last time you conquered a challenge and how you felt when someone said, “Wow, I can’t imagine doing that!” Now imagine giving someone else that feeling. LinkedIn and other social networks will do this for you if you glance at your notifications from time to time. Livewire has a program where we pin each other with company-branded lapel pins for living the values at our all hands meetings.
- Console: This one can feel awkward. If someone dies, what do you do? As with most things in life, the answer is usually “It depends.” Friends want to hear from you. Itzler goes a step further in his keynote and admonishes that if you don’t reach out when a friend is grieving, they’ll never forgive you. That sure woke me up! No matter how awkward it feels, err on the side of saying something as opposed to nothing. Email, text, or phone, it really doesn’t matter, it’s truly the thought that counts and people hardly ever remember what you said, but certainly can recall how you made them feel.
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What are you doing to operationalize the caring, watering, and feeding of your relationships? If it’s not complimenting, congratulating, and consoling, what’s your method?
Stay frosty, and see you in the field.
